This Just In

Unbelievable. 5’o’clock local news, top story, this just in: it’s raining. No, really, that’s it. That’s the top story. Rain on December 30th in Portland, OR; who’d of thought? In other news, cops have shot a suicidal man carrying a 13” butcher knife. Wait, it’s raining. This just in: cops remind you that drinking and driving over the holiday will have consequences. Oh, and new at six: “as the rain keeps falling the flood levels continue to rise.” C’mon. It’s raining. Not flooding. It’s just raining.