Resolution 2

Today I got to try on my second resolution, to be less apologetically and more authentically me.
It happened at the perfect moment. I’d just pulled out of my drycleaner’s parking lot after figuring out my passenger headlight is out and I sat at the corner trying to turn back onto ever-congested Macadam. As I craned my neck looking for an opening to turn somewhere in the next five minutes a glimmery taupe glorified mini-van on bigger wheels pulled up behind me or rather just off-center of me but 3” off my bumper.
So I’m sitting at the corner looking, looking, and looking for any goddamn possibility to turn. And the driver of the taupe monstrosity – I can’t see her, but I know it’s a her, and I know she’s got brown layered jaw length hair, her nails probably match her car and she’s wearing sunglasses even though it’s 4 pm and drizzling – keeps rocking her car forward and back impatiently like a subtle hint.
And the nano-second she beeps her horn at me my favorite finger slices 90 degrees into the air like a backhand slap.
I turn and she screeches past me in the other lane gesturing wildly.
Damn. That felt good.
And yes, slicing the air with my favorite finger makes me feel more authentically me. As does calling other drivers developmentally disabled, or shouting at bad drivers “it takes a village!” And I prefer to do just about anything in my car with a cigarette in my left hand. So, if you have a problem with any of this, you probably shouldn’t get a ride with me.