Dear Every Man Who Just Wants to Get Laid,
Why do men who just want to get laid go through courtship rituals? Of course you want to get laid: we all want to get laid on some level. But if all you want is a fuck, a lay, a roll in the hay then why not own it? By using courtship as a tool to get in a girl’s pants you really only lessen your chances of getting any. First, believe it or not, we can tell when you like us and when you just like our pussys. Second, you’re creating expectations (and headaches) you never wanted in the first place. And finally, haven’t you figured out that girls only like boys who don’t like them? You’d be much better off admitting you just want to get fucked in the first place: we girls love to futilely try to prove you wrong on that point and do you in the process.
And since you got me started, what’s with the whole courtship thing anyway; the text-messaging, the rapid fire emails, the sweet nothings? You do that and you’re just paving the way for the memory of “the way you used to be when we first met.” What’s with the bullshit fantasy? I don’t want some weird super-interested version of you. Can’t we just skip to the part where I nag you if you don’t call the nano-second you get off work, you don’t pretend to care about my “problems,” I don’t pretend to care about your “ideas” and we admit we’d rather stay in and rent a movie? At least then we’re both getting laid by someone who knows how we like it, right?
Sincerely,
Every girl who’s laid there, done that and wants more
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2 comments:
Hey, this isn't like MySpace where you have to click on the title before the post shows up. Could we get a little more warning next time? Like a bunch of blank space before the text plus a title like "Do Not Read This If You're A Man Unless You're A Total Masochist!"? Because I just don't know how I'll recover from the trauma.
Sorry Lucas. Next time I'll find a way to publish the entire post in white so any interested reader has to copy the file into word and convert to black type. God knows I don't want to traumatize you (and only God knows this because obviously I don't know better or don't care). Besides, I didn't say I hated men. I just don't like the dishonesty some men engage in to get laid. Does it make them feel less guilty or do they just like the challenge? Jesus.
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