Shelley and I once talked about whether memories are more like the pictures you take or the memories you wished you'd taken. I think most of mine are more like the ones I wish I'd taken, or the moments I knew at the time I didn't need to take a picture of because I'd just remember them regardless. The pictures I take, they tend to be the markers for the memories. The memories can't be posed or captured.
Shelley said each time you take a memory out of the file you change it just a bit. The things we recall the most we recall the least, in a way.
I had to drive into downtown today to pick up some prescriptions. I thought perhaps the only thing that will make me leave Portland will be the point when I just can't take the aching memories anymore. The point when the last of my friends leaves. This city swells with so damn many memories at this point.
Maybe I'll be the one to stay. I've finally learned to stay. Watch things change slowly while they stay the same. I'll get a little better at goodbyes, a little bit better at the aching part. And I'll be here, waiting on my porch, for the ones who return. Changed, but the same.
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