Cat, House, Heart, Hope (a list)

1. Today my cat Ella joined the dog and I for our entire walk. My grandfather's Siamese, He-She (aptly named because my grandfather did not know the cat's sex when he acquired it), used to follow us on walks through Steilacoom when I visited on holidays. Aside from He-She, I've seen one other cat on a dog walk; a scruffy little fellow in Sun Valley, Idaho with a massive and matted Saint Bernard. Ella often follows me on dog walks for a few blocks but usually runs back once she loses track of her surroundings. I quite liked walking the dog with the cat scampering behind us. I hope she joins us more often.
2. I seem to have found two homes and I spent the day rather conflicted as to which I want. I usually know exactly what I want and sprint at about 20 miles per hour until I get it. Hearing that I'm not getting a gut feeling, my mother thinks perhaps I don't want either place. I've actually got a gut feeling, I just can't believe my gut. If I didn't know better, I'd say I'm in love with the place I want because the choice makes no sense to me. I really, really want to believe you can fight pure, chemical, irrational gut feelings. But does that ever work out? I'll figure out my new address by the weekend. Chances are I'll never figure out how much head to put over my heart.
3. I've been thinking about hope. I told Shelley recently that I maintain hope by never pinning my hopes on specifics, or shall we say Nouns. Rather, I proposed that if you hope for the thing in general, you won't get too jaded. Example: instead of wishing on the next "star light, star bright, first star I see tonight" that I get that house on Cherry Tree Lane, I will wish that I someday get a house that I love and can call home. As such, if I don't get the house on Cherry Tree Lane, my hope still exists: the house on Cherry Tree Lane must not have been the house I will love and call home. If I get another house and it sucks, I also still have hope. I'll still get a house I love and can call home. The current house that sucks, like the house on Cherry Tree Lane, just wasn't the house. I think this is what I'm always referring to as cynical idealism. It may also be what is commonly referred to as complete bullshit.