Housewife Seeks Placement

So, some of you have heard this before but I really think becoming a housewife is my true calling. Following is a list of my unique qualifications and rationale:
1. While some people may think housewifery would bore me, you’d be astonished at how much work maintaining a household can take! You’d also be astonished to learn how much I love mundane projects. For example:
2. I love cleaning! I love cleaning supplies! The sight of a janitorial supply store gets me oh-so-excited! Attacking the floor boards with a toothbrush; pure bliss! Cleanliness, oh, I won’t call it Godliness. Because honestly, it gets me too hot.
3. I make really yummy cookies! I genuinely love cooking. And I admit it, I love cooking for men! I pretend to resent doing it, but I love it.
4. Someone has to take care of the dog and kids. Yes, I put the dog before the kids. But the dog came first, didn’t he? I imagine the dog and kids will want walks and rides and food and entertainment. I can do that better than anyone we can hire.
5. I can run errands too! I love to drive!
6. Once I pop out kids it will take a lot of work to look good. Between the workout and the shower, I’ll need at least an hour and a half a day. I can’t work a 9-5 with those demands. And as between my ass and a job, well, that’s not even a debate.
6. There are a lot of important phone conversations I need to have everyday. My friends and family need to know that I am but a phone call away. This takes time, commitment.
7. I’m over educated and I can read! That means not only can I read to the kids I can impress your colleagues at the company parties! I can even play the piano. Nifty, eh?
8. I have the unique ability to become exhausted after completion of the most mundane tasks. Frankly, I’m not sure I need to do more than blog and walk the dog everyday. So I will feel like a fully actualized person if I do nothing more than pick up my husband’s dry-cleaning and wash the dishes on any given day. In fact, I can make that take at least six hours!

Ah, but therein lies the rub, the whole husband thing. Yeah, that’s kind of an issue. Especially since I’m fairly particular about holding out for someone I give a damn about. Damn principles.

My mom always says I should do what I’m passionate about though. And I’m passionate about staying home, cleaning, cooking, fucking and being a good wife and mother. So, I really think I need to go after my dream!